


pragma

by cosmetae



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Fanfiction, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ice Skating, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmetae/pseuds/cosmetae
Summary: "𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐝𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫."despair had devoured the young figure skater. After suffering an embarrassing blow at his latest competition, Yuuri was ready to throw in the towel that he dared to call his dreams. That was until an grey-haired man waltzed into his solemn life. slowly but surely, the man unexpectedly started to transform the world surrounding the broken boy until he was no longer fractured but instead, had become one with him. He began to pick up the broken fragments of tossed-away desires and burnt them so he could rise from the ashes like a phoenix.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Kudos: 5





	1. intro : walk the line

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**_he was spiralling_ **

the inky pool of dread was awaiting him at the bottom. it is commonly accepted that the force of nuclear is the strongest in the entire universe but the weight of hopelessness surpassed all logic of science.

_the world is too cruel_

for a flower as delicate as yuri katsuki, the harsh reality of competitive ice skating pushed his limits of what he could stomach. sweat dripping off his face as his brain muffled the uproar of the crowd. it's all fake anyway. the people, all obliged to cheer and applaud for each athlete even when it was obvious that performance had been dismal.

standing there, the crisp air hitting your face as you take desperate pants to refuel your tanks of oxygen. disappointment overtaking you as the whooping noises reverberate off of the rink. there is nothing more humiliating.

yuri's feet were clad with his worn figure skates as he was teetering amongst the tranquil pebbles embedded into the cliffs of despair. 

the abyss was so silent, one misstep and he would be sent off soaring through it. he had to admit that the idea of allowing some mystical energy to carry him through the darkness was enticing to the mind. the pieces of gravel seemed eager enough to relinquish themselves to this power; why shouldn't he?  
  
 _if you jump you can rid yourself of your soiled shame_

it was tempting, so very tempting he was spiralling as he let himself be consumed by the unknown entity. the murky surroundings had nothing to them except for the infinite void of serene silence. it was the purest of black... black than any black which could be found on Earth.

a perfect black body.

his lids fluttered opened as gracefully as a butterfly's wings would do. 

_oh here is reality_

it was a grim realisation for the shattered boy except when his eyes unfurled, shining before him was a person whom he had never seen before. someone who seemed so ethereal that they could not possibly be a being of this dull planet. they held their dainty hand in front of him as yuri sat there agape. 

before his mind had time to dupe him into falling further, he raised a tentative hand to the silver-haired firm ones. with great ease, the fractured boy was slowly being hauled out of his gulf of emptiness. 

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───


	2. disconnect

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

_**stupid idiot.** _

stupid, bumbling idiot who is incapable of doing the one thing which he is supposed to excel at. you actually thought you could make it? a frail shell of man, unable to persevere when it matters most. everyone must emit a silent chuckle each time you take your unworthy place on the ice.

_"look at that joke of a skater. that yuri katsuki must really have no shame."_

_"if he had a single ounce of pride he would study and find himself a stable office job."_

_"i feel such pity for him - he's still so young yet he's throwing his life away."_

that's right yuri. every single spectator is berating you in their minds. think about how humiliated your parents must feel each time someone inquires about you - let the clouds rain guilt. you have no umbrella to protect you now, this is the sincere world.

yuri couldn't help but be polluted by the poison of his thoughts. his inner voice incarcerating him as he shuffled along the floors of the overseas.

_just let me go home_

headlines upon headlines were filled with his failures of the recent Grand Prix. his mistakes displayed free for all; with impending reviews from those who feel as though they can hide among anonymity.

the backpack which yuri had been carrying began to felt heavier the longer he stayed within his own head. he needed to escape; he needed a way to be freed from this cage.

"yuri katsuki!"

the vibrant sound made yuri whip his head around. his reaction slightly delayed from being shrouded by showers of solemnness - the contrast disoriented his mind. it was as though he was walking unbalanced on a tightrope.

"don't give up. it's too early for you to retire!"

_he's lying to you_

he wants to see you fumble again. who doesn't love watching someone screw up right before their eyes? how could someone possibly feel this way?

_everyone perceives you as another wasted talented._

with another dejected sigh, yuri simply just plodded away. repeatedly he kept telling himself he would never do this again, he couldn't; his willpower was fading as rapidly as his ambition for victory came and left.

the bustling room was filled with young flames brimming with passion. it was almost sickly how potent the yearn and desire for achievement was. the irony of it almost made yuri laugh, how long had it been since he had felt like that?

when he gave it some thought, there was one moment in particular which stood out. yuri was in his youth as he watched the russian teenager make the ice his own.

his hair had flowed and followed wherever he and his skates went, something about that performance resonated within the japanese boy. he had never experienced this before.

a neuron had been triggered at that point in time and yuri's body went into dopamine overload. with his new founded passion for the sport, he dedicated every waking moment to the art of ice skating.

he craved the sensation which watching the performance had given him. determination controlled him but somewhere along the way in the forthcoming years, it had gotten lost.

"a photo?"

huh

"would you like a commemorative photo?"

very few people in their lives are blessed with the opportunity of feeling star-struck. the heavens must have felt some sympathy towards yuri because if his eyes were not deceiving him,

_the_ victor nikiforov was asking for a photo.

he clammed up, his disbelief overtaking him and prevented him from spitting any coherent words out. it was a rather dismal sight.

many spend so much time creating scenarios like this one, imagining how you would be around your idol. would you act cool? shocked? or would you act like yourself and pray that they like your personality.

countless nights spent staring at the ceiling formulating the perfect words to say. the very words which would convey how you felt and express the sincerity which had been bottle up within you for years.

yuri katsuki had been given the opportunity to put all this to good use yet he rendered it all pointless as he just walked away and headed towards the automatic doors.

he just walked away, leaving the man, who started it all for him, unanswered.

yuri katsuki,

you really are a _stupid idiot_.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i’m not too sure how long this will be hopefully you enjoy(ed) reading it!  
> also i hope you have are having great day/night <3
> 
> \- serai


	3. jet lag

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

the aeroplane's descent had just begun as yuri stared out into the milky clouds. his eyes drifting towards one that oddly had a vague appearance of a pair of skates. maybe it was just his mind deluding him, forcing him to have second thoughts about his pending retirement. 

the ill-tempered russian boy was right, he should retire.

this was his last competition, the final time in which he would make a fool of himself. he brought enough disgrace to his name to last a lifetime. why would he continually perpetuate the public's view of him? 

it had only been a few hours since he walked away from his former self however he could already feel the tingles of withdrawal. suppressing it made the urges grow stronger. despite soaring high through the air the feel of the crisp ice, cold to the touch, dancing on the ground was so near yet the looming barrier, in which yuri had constructed, concealed the rink from his longing eyes. 

the wall was made with the sturdiest of steel, daunting to cast a look at nonetheless the laughter of the ice skaters made its way to his ears, making walking away even harder. so he kept building and building, increasing the number of layers with materials that were tougher than the last. 

the separator had grown so high that those in space would be hindered by this enclosure. 

but the joyous noises of laughter could still be heard. no matter how hard yuri tried, he couldn't drown the happiness which the ice brought to others. selfishly he wanted everyone to feel the agony which he suffered, how couldn't they see how evil this devil in disguise was? it was only a matter of time before the neverending tears start to flow and the bumps and bruises caused by minuscule falls would remain as permanent scars.

this fate was inescapable, it doesn't pick and choose its victims. instead, engulfs everyone even those who dashing as wildly as they can. at least, that is what yuri thought, perhaps he was just one of the unlucky ones whose flame dwindled into nothingness. there was no more fuel left to give and the oxygen had become so intoxicating that it wasn't worth breathing it in.

yuri broke his train of thoughts with a yawn that made him come to the realisation of how tired he _actually_ was. 

a little sleep won't sleep hurt is what he told himself. after all, he had just competed in the grand prix. a moment of relinquished silence was well deserved. all the stress of skating and complications in his life seemed like a fraction of its importance that it has when conscious. the predicament that was yuri's life didn't seem like a predicament but more a journey of a ship on an ocean that had just come out of a raging storm.

landing in detroit gave yuri mixed feelings. what was the point of even being here if he wasn't going to skate? whilst it had become a place that mimicked a home, standing there with no purpose made it feel as though he had just arrived in the foreign country for the first as he had once done when he was at the fresh age of 18. 

he doubted that he would be able to face the wrath coach or the pitying face of his roommate and there was no possibility of returning to his home town. he could feel the anxiety rising within his fatigued body, slowly clouding his weakened brain. 

he started to stumble to nowhere, in particular, lugging his suitcase with him, along the swarming streets filled with businesspeople and young adults brimming with life. the sounds resonating with those in the ice skating rink that yuri had conjured up in his mind. 

he quickened his pace, taking longer strides as he knew he had to escape from here. he couldn't stand the cheerful atmosphere. the wound was still fresh; lingering here would be like shaking salt into it rather than being logical and bandaging it to aide the healing process.

he felt as though he was a lone wolf, no one that he wished to turn to or would say the words of comfort which he so desperately needed to hear. aimlessly he wandered, unable to take in the over-saturated colours of his surroundings. the zip to seal the void of helplessness became more adrift with each passing second.

he didn't know what to do with himself.

the skates which rested in his luggage seemed to be calling out to him but firmly he kept reiterating that he couldn't - it would be setting himself up for an even greater downfall.

his feet came to a halt and the beaming sign of yuri's favourite katsudon restaurant blared through the lenses of his glasses and into his weary eyes. the ambience had grown dark as the moon was making its nightly appearance high in the sky, letting its glow illuminate the earth below.

this dish was only meant to be eaten for celebration purposes. he hadn't done anything remarkable enough which would give him the right to order such a meal by his standards. 

too tired to wage a war with himself, he trudged in wearing a heavy heart on his sleeve whilst exhaling a sigh of disappointment.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading !  
> hope you are having a great day :)  
> \- serai


End file.
